not fucking cool
i hadda drive from the west side to the east side tonight, running home to get my blood donor card for my appt with the red cross tonight (*if you don't donate blood or platelets, you are a puss*)..traffic on the westbound lanes was slowing and stopping and i realized, looking in between the cars that there was a large dog fighting to get to the other side of the road.
someone in a truck hit him.
i can't blame anyone, really, it was an accident, and traffic on kellogg gets up to about 70, so if someone/thing jumped out in front of you, it would be incredibly difficult to stop.
i was in the right hand lane, and pulled out of traffic onto the shoulder and ran over to where the dog was, another man doing the same. we pulled the dog out of traffic and onto the shoulder. he was bleeding badly from the head, and given how he was bleeding, probably wounded internally as well. a cop pulled by and said he had to get to a traffic accident and would call animal control for us, and left. there wasn't anything else we could do, tho. i wrapped a windbreaker around him, because i have no medical training at all, and it seemed all i could do. keep him warm.
this man and i sat there with him, until he died. there was no identifying tag on his collar, but it was clear that he was someone's pet. someone's gonna get home tonight and their dog won't be in the backyard anymore, and unless they call animal control, i don't suppose they'll ever know.
god, i know in the grand scheme, it's not a big deal. but i never saw anything die right in front of me before, and it made me feel so helpless. when i got back to my car, i started crying for some person's dog. i just couldn't bear to leave a dying anything on the side of the road by itself, and i know it's foolish to approach a hurt animal, but it was all i could do. and it was so little.
so i'm going to cry a little more, because i have a soft fucking heart, and then i'm going to go have a beer and try to put this week behind me, already.
my docs have decided, and you, gentle reader, may have noticed my mood has been a little bleak. i've mentioned more than once that since people i "know" have started reading this that i censor my thoughts more than i used to, or mean to perhaps. any rate, any bleakness you've noticed is far more pronounced in real life.. it's been bad, and i recognize it for what it is, and the docs say that i've likely developed some resistance to my psychotropic drugs. so i'm quitting this one, and the withdrawal is fucking awful. i feel it in my head, my chest, my legs, and my heart. i actually felt bad enough that i considered packing a bag and checking into the hospital voluntarily until this part is over, and whatever they decided to regulate my mood with this time has started to kick in.
i'm not flighty, just low low low. i don't want to get out of bed, although i don't sleep well when i'm there. it takes nothing much to overwhelm me right now, and i'm just so goddamned lonely. the holidays don't help, clearly.
i opted against the hospital, for the time being. i've an appointment thursday to see them again, and at that time, i'll be introduced to whatever my new regimen will be. there may in fact be a return to the bad ol days of lithium. christ. so cross your fingers for me, and i'll try to be strong until then, and i suppose this will be my open diary this time. you've not gotten to see me start over in this blog, and i've not written it down before, so maybe this time i will. depends.
like car wrecks? i've got 'em.
someone in a truck hit him.
i can't blame anyone, really, it was an accident, and traffic on kellogg gets up to about 70, so if someone/thing jumped out in front of you, it would be incredibly difficult to stop.
i was in the right hand lane, and pulled out of traffic onto the shoulder and ran over to where the dog was, another man doing the same. we pulled the dog out of traffic and onto the shoulder. he was bleeding badly from the head, and given how he was bleeding, probably wounded internally as well. a cop pulled by and said he had to get to a traffic accident and would call animal control for us, and left. there wasn't anything else we could do, tho. i wrapped a windbreaker around him, because i have no medical training at all, and it seemed all i could do. keep him warm.
this man and i sat there with him, until he died. there was no identifying tag on his collar, but it was clear that he was someone's pet. someone's gonna get home tonight and their dog won't be in the backyard anymore, and unless they call animal control, i don't suppose they'll ever know.
god, i know in the grand scheme, it's not a big deal. but i never saw anything die right in front of me before, and it made me feel so helpless. when i got back to my car, i started crying for some person's dog. i just couldn't bear to leave a dying anything on the side of the road by itself, and i know it's foolish to approach a hurt animal, but it was all i could do. and it was so little.
so i'm going to cry a little more, because i have a soft fucking heart, and then i'm going to go have a beer and try to put this week behind me, already.
my docs have decided, and you, gentle reader, may have noticed my mood has been a little bleak. i've mentioned more than once that since people i "know" have started reading this that i censor my thoughts more than i used to, or mean to perhaps. any rate, any bleakness you've noticed is far more pronounced in real life.. it's been bad, and i recognize it for what it is, and the docs say that i've likely developed some resistance to my psychotropic drugs. so i'm quitting this one, and the withdrawal is fucking awful. i feel it in my head, my chest, my legs, and my heart. i actually felt bad enough that i considered packing a bag and checking into the hospital voluntarily until this part is over, and whatever they decided to regulate my mood with this time has started to kick in.
i'm not flighty, just low low low. i don't want to get out of bed, although i don't sleep well when i'm there. it takes nothing much to overwhelm me right now, and i'm just so goddamned lonely. the holidays don't help, clearly.
i opted against the hospital, for the time being. i've an appointment thursday to see them again, and at that time, i'll be introduced to whatever my new regimen will be. there may in fact be a return to the bad ol days of lithium. christ. so cross your fingers for me, and i'll try to be strong until then, and i suppose this will be my open diary this time. you've not gotten to see me start over in this blog, and i've not written it down before, so maybe this time i will. depends.
like car wrecks? i've got 'em.
posted by ginonymous at
7:30 PM
8 Comments:
i've tried to donate blood 3 times, the first two times I was inbetween piercings and they have six month wait, the third time i tried they told me the needles they had would kill me because my veins are so small..
Watching a dog die would be incredibly awful, but i'm glad the dog wasn't alone.
take care of yourself..
My dearest A.A.,
Please don't hesitate to do what's best for yourself.
I can only imagine how hard it is to make decisions and think rationally when the very organ in charge of such things is the one in need of medical attention in the first place.
I will send whatever healing energy and good thoughts I can your way while you weather the storm.
Love to you!
I am crossing my fingers for no lithium. Are you on Depekote yet? If not, I will hope for that. And if you go on back on lithium, well fuck it. It's still better than the alternative. Good Luck, Feel better.
Sweetie, I am so sorry. Please do whatever you need to feel better. Love you!
Poor, poor, puppy. I felt like I was there with you, my keyboard is wet with tears.
I hope the med transition shapes up. Please don't be shy if you need to chat.
So sad about the dog - I understand completely. Take care of yourself and hang in there, hon. *hugs*
I had the same experience with a cat in Wichita, it was a horrible helpless feeling. I am sorry you had to go through that! The holidays will be over soon,so hang in there and I hope you find some comfort in whatever "legal" drug you are introduced to. Good luck! I hope we get to meet someday.
My veins are too small to donate as well. I tried several times because thats a viable form of employment around here in lawrence for most college students.
Watching something cross over is always sad. When I was a kid I saved a baby sparrow in my front yard while waiting for the bus to school and nursed it back to health with cheese and water. I kept him going on the whole cheese and water cause I figured birds like cheese for some reason. After returning home from school one day I found Alf had escaped the shoe box I had kept him. I followed these tiny little bird footprints all the way to where he was and the situation was not good. I must have cried for days. I can still remember burying him by the big oak tree in my front yard. I think crying is a good thing because now when i remember Alf I remember the cycle of life he had and the things I learned about nature that day. Dont pick up baby birds because their mommas wont have shit to do with them after you've tainted their offspring with human contact. The more you know!
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