...

despite what a title like "lithium motor lodge" may lead you to believe, it's not always sunshine and song over here in my life. i find i dwell a lot on the topic of pills.

primarily because i'm having another bout of kick-ass insomnia. i've a secret stash of shit i take when nothing else works. i've been busy, but it's good busy, productive, lately, and times like this often keep me up all night. i get sometimes something like 3 hours a night for nights and nights in a row. i've been having it lately, so i'm into the stash. thank you, pills.

i remember the bad old days of lithium. at a max, i was taking 2100mg a day, in seven three hundred meg pills. i tried once taking them all at the same time, and results were unpleasant. yeah, my mood was nice and stabilized, meanwhile i'm dehydrated.

now i'm taking effexor. if i miss a dose, not so bad. if i miss two, i feel it. problem is, i just left one job for another, and while i'll have insurance soon enough, i'll have to pony up for the next two months worth, unless i'm prepared to do without. unlikely.

i remember abilify, at $750 a bottle. i remember taking upwards of 17 pills a day, for months in a row. i remember taking something with a side effect of "may cause deadly rash". every now and again, i'll find something in an old purse or backpack that was a failed pharmacological experiment, wonder what it does, and then throw it in the trash for the neighborhood thugs to play with.

but for now, it's just one a day. one measley little white pill, but still a pony i find i ride. and these that knock me out. blessings from a frustrated RN, tired of hearing me complain.

i don't know where i was going with this. i'm sure there was a point, and it all sounded so much better in my head. maybe i'll write a limerick about pharma. just don't know.

anyway, i'm awake, but not for long.