Stitches, bitches!

unbelievable. i went thirty years, nearly thirty-one, without doing myself grievous injury, for the most part. it's not that i've been especially careful, lucky i suppose.

the story is silly, so i'll share. i just started my new job on tuesday (after returning from a fab road trip with lil bro)..my boss wanted me to start on this tuesday specifically as i will be working with outside salespeople, and they were all to be in town for two days of meetings: this would be my chance to meet them in person, and sort of sound them out. tuesday goes well, we have informative and interesting meetings. the boss has arranged to take us all to the Alley for some good-natured bowling competition and pizza and (cue Imperial March) go-karts.

i bowl reasonably well. i eat pizza exceptionally well. i'd never been on a go-kart before. i watch my shiny new coworkers take their turns, laughing and slamming into each other, and having what appears to be a ball driving these mini-machines of death around in circles..

i laugh as they strap me into my kart (i distrust things intentionally misspelled), and my boss rather jovially tells me the key is to "floor it and not stop until it's over"...i'm riding with a crew of hillbillies, and JoBu, and it's actually pretty fun, for the most part. then i get hit for the first time, and ooh, it kind of stings when you get slammed into the metal frame. my mind instantly recalculates the "fun" aspect of this activity. i decide my new priority is not to overtake anyone, only to avoid getting hit.

to this end, i start checking out the people behind me on curves..in fact, i get so interested in what the bastards behind me are doing that i completely missed a turn and hit the wall at top speed. i come to a complete stop, instantly. i am slammed against the frame of this kart again, with my lower body taking the brunt of the blow. i'm dazed, and in considerable pain.

the teenager manning the track scampers over, and asks if i am okay (at this point, i am counting my teeth, and making certain none are somewhere they shouldn't be, say, my lap)..i say i think so, but i am definitely done karting about. i limp over to the waiting area, and realize there is a wet spot on one of my knees...curious, and ready to sue someone, i roll up my pants to reveal a gash deep enough that i swear i can see bone. i nearly hurl. i realize i can see a wet stain on my other pants leg as well, and opt to not check this one out, as i felt i really would hurl at that point.

JoBu and i rush off to the hospital, where i get ten stitches for my trouble. the admitting nurse asks if i have insurance, and i do, as i had signed up for it at 9am *that morning*.

i get to attend my second day of work high on painkillers. awesome.