nightmares and secrets
does anyone else read Post Secret? while i think it's beautiful, it's kind of painful, and i have to wonder how much of it is true. and i wonder what i'd tell them if i decided to send a card.
i have secrets, anyone does. i remember my therapist telling me once that where there's a secret, there's an unresolved issue, and that at some point, i have to tell someone. so i did. i told someone my darkest secret, something i've been trying to forget for years. and when i did, she told me something equally shocking, and something that affects me directly, and now i have two secrets. i see why she would want to hide hers, she has a family now and what would they say? but while i see mine as something awful, hers could be wonderful, if she'd embrace it.
i guess it's all in the mind of the beholder.
does anyone have someone they trust so much that there is literally nothing they wouldn't tell them? or does keeping some things to ourselves somehow reinforce our "selfhood"? i don't think there's an answer to this..i'm just wondering out loud, i guess.
there were three things i decided to keep to myself. one of those was my bipolar, and so i suppose now i'm down to two. i don't tell my coworkers, or most of my friends about it, however. i don't want someone wondering if i'm going to bring a gun to work someday when i run out of meds, or something equally ludicrous.
i remember judging someone i used to date on the basis that he was seeing a shrink. if i could find him again, i'd tell him i was sorry for that.
the other two, those are still mine. some of my family and closest friends know, in that they were somehow involved in getting me out of the trouble i'd found myself in. and now that i'm anonymous on the net, nevermind AMAZINGLY ANONYMOUS, i know that some of you have figgered out who i am, and this is no longer the safe place i thought it was. so maybe Post Secret is the answer, hmm?
and nightmares. i only cry these days when i'm frustrated. i don't cry when i'm sad, which leads me to believe that i'm a little less than human. so the things that disturb me most are the things that frustrate me, i suppose. my nightmares are sometimes wooly scary things chasing me, but often as not, they are those dreams that show me how i limit myself, how i'm tied to my own damaged psyche.
why am i so wierd? why can't i just accept who i am and get on with my day? i think i'm better, i think i'm doing so well, and i'm not! my unconciousness tells me i'm not. and i guess i choose to believe it.
someone come kick me in the ass, i need to be propelled in the right direction, or in any direction but dead-ass stop. argh.
and for something entirely else: i've almost finished my first pope hat. i can't decide what to put on the front of it, tho. any ideas?
i have secrets, anyone does. i remember my therapist telling me once that where there's a secret, there's an unresolved issue, and that at some point, i have to tell someone. so i did. i told someone my darkest secret, something i've been trying to forget for years. and when i did, she told me something equally shocking, and something that affects me directly, and now i have two secrets. i see why she would want to hide hers, she has a family now and what would they say? but while i see mine as something awful, hers could be wonderful, if she'd embrace it.
i guess it's all in the mind of the beholder.
does anyone have someone they trust so much that there is literally nothing they wouldn't tell them? or does keeping some things to ourselves somehow reinforce our "selfhood"? i don't think there's an answer to this..i'm just wondering out loud, i guess.
there were three things i decided to keep to myself. one of those was my bipolar, and so i suppose now i'm down to two. i don't tell my coworkers, or most of my friends about it, however. i don't want someone wondering if i'm going to bring a gun to work someday when i run out of meds, or something equally ludicrous.
i remember judging someone i used to date on the basis that he was seeing a shrink. if i could find him again, i'd tell him i was sorry for that.
the other two, those are still mine. some of my family and closest friends know, in that they were somehow involved in getting me out of the trouble i'd found myself in. and now that i'm anonymous on the net, nevermind AMAZINGLY ANONYMOUS, i know that some of you have figgered out who i am, and this is no longer the safe place i thought it was. so maybe Post Secret is the answer, hmm?
and nightmares. i only cry these days when i'm frustrated. i don't cry when i'm sad, which leads me to believe that i'm a little less than human. so the things that disturb me most are the things that frustrate me, i suppose. my nightmares are sometimes wooly scary things chasing me, but often as not, they are those dreams that show me how i limit myself, how i'm tied to my own damaged psyche.
why am i so wierd? why can't i just accept who i am and get on with my day? i think i'm better, i think i'm doing so well, and i'm not! my unconciousness tells me i'm not. and i guess i choose to believe it.
someone come kick me in the ass, i need to be propelled in the right direction, or in any direction but dead-ass stop. argh.
and for something entirely else: i've almost finished my first pope hat. i can't decide what to put on the front of it, tho. any ideas?
posted by ginonymous at
7:13 PM
14 Comments:
I suppose I have told every secret to at least one person, but not all secrets to any one person.
I guess I feel like it is all ancient history now, and it is just burdening someone else with more shit at this point.
As for crying I would not worry much...who says you need to cry at all?
That damn post secret has got you too huhhh. Ive got this huge secret thats kinda funny in a twisted way. I really would like to post a card to them but then again I still have issues with it.
Well, I've got a size 11 boot for your bottom whenever you get into L town and im sure we can go have a brew for afterwards. Then I want to talk about math and nerd stuff till the sun comes up! Dorks Beyond!!!!!
hey there, I do read post secret and am too thinking about sending mine in, It will be like taking a weight off my shoulders and I think it will make me feel ok for a little while that is.
and I too think that mostly all the secrets they have in that post can all be real! I know mine will be and maybe who ever out there went through the same thing as me can relate and don't feel too bad about it, who knows I might help some one not feel so bad about themselves.
I've seen the site post secret and wondered the same thing. For me, sharing my secrets don't make me feel any better about them. Some things should be kept to ourselves, I think. I'm comforted by it.
Are you sure you don't want people at work to be afraid you'd bust a cap in their asses if they don't behave? That could be a good thing.
As for anonymity, I am sorry I am too clever for my own good. But you could start another blog, not tell anyone, and not post using your new name. Then, no one will know.
Don't start a new blog without sending me an email where to find you. Remember, I don't know your secret identity.
I am a Post Secret addict, but I was trying to think of some secret I have and came up empty. I suppose it depends which person I am: up or down. When I'm up, I don't have any secrets. When I'm down, my secret is that there is no hope.
Fortunately, I haven't been down for a while.
Crying is all about making an unattractive face, you're better off without it.
Mr. U and JJ: i think you're right about the crying issue. it's not that i think it's part and parcel of being a person, or a woman. i just wonder sometimes if maybe my emotions are blunted? it's all just me finding who i am underneath it all. besides, i typically can't stop the maniacal laughter.
Uber: there's no such thing as too clever. wink.
Latin and Rudy: welcome to my blog! and about secrets, sometimes i think it helps to take the edge off something if you can tell someone. that's all.
and CW: looking forward to it! i'll wear a cape, and we can ride around Larryville, swinging light sabers at unsuspecting frat boys.
AA, it seems as though you are still anonymous to many of us, but I'm sorry to hear that perhaps some folks figured it out without your wanting that.
Post Secret. I love that site. I also don't know if some of them are just super creative, with a hint of truth, but I've read many stories and comments about how it has helped a lot of people.
Sometimes we do need to let a secret out, so that it isn't a part of us, or keeping a part of us down. Sometimes we can keep our secrets. It's absolutely our choice what we do with them.
On crying, nightmares, and who we are: we are all a bit different. We definitely have our own struggles, strengths, and idionsyncracies. The question is how do we deal with ourselves? What do we tell ourselves? How do we live with ourselves? The answer: with unconditional love. We can always be working on improvement, discovery, and growth. But we do need to be good to ourselves in our own minds. Give yourself good messages, you deserve it.
For the pope hat, how about a coat of arms that represents you?
I like the idea of a pirate pope hat.
Aargh!
I read PostSecret. It's the first blog site I started to read that wasn't about computing, and led me in a roundabout fashion into the world of, well, personal blogs and everything and everyone here.
There is a point of view that says all secrets are a sickness. There are people I have told everything to, well, two people, but I debated anonymity on my blog for ages because I wanted to write it all down. I blew the anonymity thing, though, so now there's no way for now I can blog the truth. Ubermilf's solution is one I've considered a number of times. Starting another blog though... sheesh, I can't keep up with the blogging I do now!
Course, you can cry whenever you want to, Amazing Anon, over whatever you want to. It's hard to ignore the voice that seems to nag at us that we're not ok, even beat ourselves up for not crying properly. We're just not right about nuffin. Acceptance and stuff, that'd be nice.
Owl, you're the owliest.
Where's my God Damn Pope Hat!
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